The More Things Change...

So alot has been happening lately huh? It seems like the main stream media has begun jumping on the "There is nothing to fear, but fear itself!" bandwagon. Thankfully this also includes the "G.W. Bush is a fear monger." caboose so things might turn out alright after all. Regardless this spells the begining of the end of neo-conservative doctrine to which I think we can all give an AMEN! Ha!

In anycase, I have just moved into my appartment and for the first time in my life I will be living alone.

Alone, sure I have done it for a week at a time but come September what is it going to be like? Will I get used to it like everyone else seems to? Should I get used to it like everyone else does? I have written often about how I deplore the "castleization" of the american home. It is as if we are undersiege my some mysterious enemy which can not cross patches of closely manicured grass. Every night we must tune into the tellie to find out what is happening beyond our castle walls. I have no such mote, but I do have a door with three locks on it.

I guess what I am getting at is I am afraid of losing something. Something that I have held very dear since Vasu died. I guess everyone keeps something with them to remind them of loved ones and I kept a frame of mind. It is a poor aproximation to Vasu's but to me friends and friendship always come first (food and laughing a close second :-) ). I havn't been the best at living this way but I have tried and I think it has made me happy for the most part.

Its not that friends are not important for most people, because they are, but it definatly seems that once people get out into "the real world" there is a definate increase in focus on the "me".

It is funny that I would cling so dearly to a mindset, a philosophy. I say, at least to myself, that if you are afraid to lose something, anything, then you are not free. Traditionally I have always thought of material posessions and, for material posessions it makes sense. If you are not prepared to sell, for example, your car if it becomes advantageous then you are not getting the most out of life.

Can you sell a personal philosophy? Am I prepared to let it go or am I a prisoner?

I think this is a question most people need to ask them selves. It isn't untill you know why you might change your mind that you truely know why you believe in something.

Most of all I think I just want Vasu back.